Aigogo...

So I'm just sitting here writing on my post. I miss writing. I really miss writing. I miss the days where I could stay all night and work on a story because I had inspiration in the middle of the night. The days where all my inner thoughts were recollected so that I could look back back on those days and mule over my childhood. I miss the days where my thoughts were my own, without judgement by other people. The days where my thoughts stayed inside my head, and not have my mother badgering me about my problem. I dislike it. I can't go one day on facebook mourning over my problem and then my mother telling me what's wrong.

And I miss my childhood. Hearing my friends right now speaking about nursery and game rhymes that they played as kids. I lost all of that while I was in England. I had forgotten quite a chunk of my childhood in Malaysia. I can't remember whether I was a quiet child, or a naughty one. I know now looking at myself I'm actually quite sarcastic, but I don't know much of my behavior back then. I know I shouldn't complain, but there were days I wished I had never went to England. I feel lost whenever they speak about something along local topics, because sometimes I don't understand it. Even when there's a topic I like, I rarely get a say in between because I'm quite spacey, and everyone else is talkative, or talking in between me, when I'm directly speaking to them. I have to repeat my jokes once or twice and after that I feel tired of mentioning the same joke again and again just because they couldn't hear me. I feel sad sometimes, because I have a lot to say, but I'm either tongue-tied or everyone else is speaking over me. It's ridiculous. They're still my friends, and I love them, but I hate it when that happens. Everytime that happens I get discouraged from speaking.

Aigoo, I should be more cheerful. I'm going to Asia Super Showcase 2012 tomorrow, but I'm not, not after reading about Gaza. I feel I should appreciate everything I'm given, but I don't know. I miss my old friends. I miss my life before England, and I miss my parents, my little brothers. I'm still trying to fight the demons in me.